Going back to Jakarta for a week feels like entering a big brain-wash
machine. It feels like the society changes the way you see life/value
of life. No matter who you talk to, people from different ages,diff social status,same topic always
comes up. Stressing out not having a marriage plans yet in your mid
20's,while all your friends do or even are. Being pressure from
parents and friends, kept asking when we would be next. Hearing
stories from newlyweds couples about life after marriage. How hard it
is being totally independent from their parents? Disappointment in their marriage and trying to advice others not to fall into their trap? ..What do we really
try to find in life?Happiness?Satisfaction?? Great lifestyle?Career?
Luxury? Or just a great relationship with someone you think you can share your life with?
Is being realistic,considered as materialistic?
As a poorly developed country, such as Indonesia, (with lots and lots of very very rich people in it) different social status and lifestyles are so obvious. Majority of people life in a
small rusty shack beside dirty and smelly river, while people with
highest social status live in a huge mansion with more than 10 maids
and lots of drivers. While people in a mid range are living their life, trying to survive,
so they'll keep going up and not down.
If we looked back from previous generations to now generations,we can
see a big gap of lifestyle. All kids now days have their own
mobile phone,wearing branded bags to school,acting like a grown up,
eating in a fancy restaurant every day, spending without having to
earn anything, being spoilt. Imagine what the future will look like??
It seems so hard to achieve happiness without the powerful
green paper aka money, in that country or anywhere (maybe), but seriously, this is much more extreme here....
who wants to life in a place like this:
Jakarta - slum area(Image taken from : http://endangerededen.wordpress.com/2009/10/13/slum-tours-real-tourism-or-real-exploitation/)
But what would you do if you have a choice not to live there, but overseas. To work
your carreer up, being independent and live your life as you want
it, not trying to please everyone around you but yourself. Follow your dream and achieve what you always wanted to achieve?? but on the other hand, might not be able get married and being settled too soon.
This got me thinking a lot, but yet not find any answers. Do you think
marrying someone just for a monetary security is the best thing to do?
or keep believing in yourself that you can achieve your own success and
spend your life with someone that you can share everything with and
really care about?
It seems like a really easy choice, but having everyone pressuring
you, keep haunting you with fear, judging what you do and did wrong,
makes it so hard to choose and believe in yourselves (what if we fail?).
Asking everyone what to do?? doesn't help either, "be a housewife, problem solve", that easy. Even being a housewife, its more complicated that finding a right job....it also need a lot of time and effort. Can we achieve 2 totally different dreams at the same time? Its so hard to be a minority in a majority, loosing confidence and giving up would seem like the best thing to do.
But really...?? Is being materialistic, is the answer of everything in reality?
Part 2: on the plane
Funny how sometimes we found answers from random things. Here I am
sitting on the plane, writing this after watching two random movies
that happened to send a similar lesson of life for women, feels like
God has answered my questions. The movie titles are "my one and only",
and"an education"..for anyone who interested to watch 'em.
Well seems like there's nothing more secure than believing in ourselves
and work hard rather than finding a shortcuts to success after all.
But, yes, definitely easier to say than to do...
Part 3: back in melbourne
Finally home..... sorting out what needs to be sorted.. life goes on.. and still wandering which lifestyle to choose....... no conclusion has been made yet....
... ... ... ...
ReplyDeleteChapter 1
So deep... For one I dont think materialistic and realistic is the same... You cannot compare the two. Its like comparing apples and oranges. Being realistic is knowing what you want and what you are capable of and adjusting your self based accordingly on this 2 factors. This process is called being realistic. Materialistic does not refer to a process. It refers to a mindset that possessions are the most important things in life. When you start equating happiness to green objects. Happiness is more than being rich. I consider this being materialistic. How much green stuff do you need? thousands? hundreds of thousands? millions? Enough green stuff makes you happy.. but then again how much is enough? this varies between people. and It depends a lot on their upbringing. Luckily did not spoil me like that, so I don't have that lifestyle that needs a lot of green stuff to maintain. While some people consider happiness is to have pizza and wine at soho while bbming in front of friends. I consider happiness to be eating nasi megono or nasi kucing and tea at the local warung talking and having good laugh with friends.
As for security v achievement debate. Risk aversion is the answer. If the sole reason for being a housewife is that because you don't have anything else better to do then Its OK. But if you have a dream... then go for it. Just like what Mario Teguh said in metro tv. "Dulu kita semua ingin menjadi bintang. tapi dengan waktu kitat turunkan bintang itu. Harusnya kita tetap taruh bintang itu tinggi2 dan naikkan kualitas kita" It only makes sense with the picture.
From your examples... I dont see any marriage life being happy? is this true?
Chapter 2
I've never heard of those movies before. I'll have a look.
Chapter 3
Well done... welcome to the great world of quarter life crisis... hahahahahha
Nah.. I don't need 'eat pizza and wine at soho' lifestyle either, but what would you do if all or most of your best friend does..? its not the matter of can't afford it, but prefer to use them wisely for something else more important.... It might not matter so much here in Melbourne, but its different back there.
ReplyDeleteFrom my examples,(quoting from other people's opinions) marriage life in Jakarta can be consider as a happy marriage, IF they are financially stable and/or somehow initially supported by their parents.
But what would you do, if you have to start everything from scratch...
Would life be easier if we live in Melbourne..?
Hmm... That means happiness materialism goes hand in hand then? In this case materialism in the form of financial stability and or financial support? Hmm... Isnt that a bit shallow?
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is easier here in Melbourne to start from scratch. Or maybe it seems easier because we are not used to the whole situations in Jakarta. Then again this is still assuming happiness equal financial independence, which i still think is unwise and unjustified.
Me and you are what the world known as third culture kids.. there are tons of readings about it, books, online articles. If you have time go look it up and at least you'll get some pointers as to why the others dont think like we do.
I wandered around and went to this blog, I'm kind of amazed of your observations, its kinda good that you bring up these issues openly and honestly, not being afraid of being cheesy or corny.
ReplyDeleteSo I thought I'd like to comment on these matters as well.
Part 1: Understanding that back in our countries, financial stability is perceived as important as girls are often "smart" to end up with stable guy to enjoy a happy family, but facts in Vietnam are many successful men in the marriage that was built on true or real love often tempted to be unfaithful, and the taken ladies also are encouraged to do so even with younger guy e.g current trend of younger guy dating older women. If both sides do not commit infidelity but don't love each other then would not really be happy, would it?; especially if they might still have strong feeling for other people from previous relationships or so. Our feeling might also change overtime though so thats why sweethearts at school sometimes break-up or divorce. But I believe, a strong mutual love with understanding as a foundation strengthens relationship as well as marriage.
Will write more next time