a year later

dear my online diary....

a year has been pass, after my hard year last year..... I feel so much better now.. I can deal with my depression... turns out... I dont think I am depress at all..

I was just confuse, where to settle.. now that I made my decision, to leave my awesome life in here and start over back home... make me feel so much better......

I came across an article few weeks ago... about introvert people.... I never fully understand this word before.. but it is exactly who I am... not shy in general.. but I am a half-loner...
I enjoy surrounded by people I like... and build my own comfort zone..

But I made a good use of this year, before I made my firm decision on moving to another country for good.
I went to a psychologist early this year... talked to her.. I didnt think it was very helpful, she got me thinking though...
Maybe she was right but I didn't want to admit that she was right...
I stop seeing her after 3 sessions, but if I look back.. I think she was right.... Maybe source problem is not work or finding a place to settle... but my relationship.
I was too afraid to make decision to leave the relationship.... but now that I do... I feel sad but there's nothing I can do... and I feel this is the best way for us anyway..

I took almost 2 months holiday, and travel alone to Europe.... I have families there, so I couchsurfed for a bit and travel with my family for a bit....
I always wanted to travel alone, to learn more about me.. to meet people and get out from my comfort zone, to explore something new..... turns out.. I survived. I realise I can do everything if I wanted to.. just lacked of self-motivation sometimes..... but I learn a lot from this trip......

I want to remind my self, that we dont need a lot of things to survive.... I had a small backpack and only 4 tshirt, 1 jacket, 2 pants, 1 shoes and 1 Havaianas. More than enough.. even got some space to shop....

I came back here to pack and get ready moving.... I am quite excited now.... for a new adventure, work and back to family affairs...

Remember the story I post earlier, about lifestyle back home.... I decided to deal with it, be myself... keep reminding my self to be humble and respect, do what I love to do..... wear what ever I want to wear, I dont need to change myself to please people.... do what please my self.... live my life-my style...
Its gonna be hard to adapt, due to culture shock.. but decision has been made..

I cannot look back and kept regretting my decision ... keep moving on and learn from past experience...... no turning back...

new chapter of life ... bring it on.....